Thursday, October 25, 2012

"The Talk" And beyond

It's that season in our house. Early adolesence. Time to pass on certain information.

Oh, well, really?? Yikes!! Awkward conversations. Surly looks. Yada. Yada.

Actually, our son has had an understanding of the basics of reproductive biology for years now.  He also knows what we believe on the moral side of things. It would be easier if those by themselves were enough, but...

We believe in waiting until marriage to have sex.

                      So how far is too far?
                      How do you wait when you're in a relationship with someone who doesn't want to?
                      What do you do about desire?

Those are things we need to talk about. Yeah, awkward. Tough. Necessary.

And we are facing some rather difficult to surmount societal expectations:
                    I know a health teacher who says: "Abstinence is a great idea, but these kids are in eighth 
                    grade. Let's face it, they are going to be having sex." 

                    I read a survey which noted that, overwhelmingly, parents feel that teenagers should wait
                   before having sex, but assume that their kids won't.

                   I read an article in a magazine aimed at young teen girls that said. "Waiting for sex leads 
                  to a longer and healthier relationship, so if your guy wants to wait a month before hitting 
                 the sheets it is probably a good sign."

Maybe there is a self -fulfilling prophecy going on here. I am a teacher, so I call it the "Pygmalion concept". You get what you expect and society expresses the expectation that teens will have sex. Or, if they are sensible, they will wait until they finish high school. So kids are having sex. Not so many in eighth grade, actually, but pretty young nonetheless.

 How do you overcome the societal expectation and help your child do what is right?


As traditional as "The Talk" is, I'm figuring it's not enough. A series of conversations would be a start. Frequently reiterating that we will discuss ANYTHING will help, especially if web bring up tough topics ourselves now and then to prove it. Putting people who share our moral code in our child's path wouldn't hurt either.

And then there is prayer. Never to be forgotten. God can handle a blundering conversation or two (or 100) with us. After all,  He made up sex. It was all His idea. I am going to teach my son to pray about it, too.

We are going to stand firm on the idea that sex is for marriage. Not everyone will agree with us on that, but every parent does have to talk with their kids about sensitive topics because every kid needs information, every kids needs to know where their parents stand.

How will you make that less awkward in your family?

This is my 25th post for the October Ultimate Blog Challenge. Home stretch!

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