Parenting Journey: New Step

My son turns 18 today. I am officially the parent of an adult.

I guess we are never ready for this. It feels like there is much more to do.

This is another beginning. A new path. 

I have to keep reminded myself that this is a legal designation and he's not planning to run off an leave me. He's still in high school, for pete's sake!

Still, it brings some changes. And, emotionally, this is new territory.


How's things at your house?

Have a blessed day!

(and if you see my son, wish him a happy birthday!)

Song for Sunday: God Who Touches Earth with Beauty

We sang this hymn in church this morning. It was written by Mary Susanne Edgar as a Sunday School Hymn, but is now very suitable for adult worship. The link I am posting to involves a Children's Choir, however.


The verse that struck me was:

Like the arching of the heavens 
lift my thoughts above, 
turn my dreams to noble action: 
ministries of love.

Time to stop procrastinating on some things, I guess. 


Anyway, enjoy a moment of worship with this beautiful song and have a blessed Sunday.

Bittersweet Beginning

Today was another beginning for our family.

A bittersweet one, because it is also the beginning of the end.

Today is the first day of my son's senior year of high school. So it is the beginning of the end of his school years. The last first day of school he will ever have as a student.

It is also the beginning of the end of our homeschooling journey as we have no younger children.

And the beginning of the end of our parenting journey, as when this boy leaves for college or wherever he might go, we will encounter the beginning of the college years and the start of empty nesting all at once. This is how it is for parents of singletons. We have moved through the other stages and now need to move toward becoming consultants to our child.

I want to be conscious of savoring this year, of enjoying this final year of our learning adventure and the transition of my son to adulthood.  We will have senior pictures and final fairs and, ultimately, a graduation ceremony. The rituals that mark endings that are also beginnings. Today has been both joyous and sad and I am sure that other events will be also. There are also the routine endings. It struck me this morning that I will never again assign summer reading to Jordan. I'd forgotten that at the start of the summer.

Letting go can be sad and that is what this season is for. I hope that it doesn't become to overshadowed by college applications and FAFSA forms. Or my need to complete what I see as unfinished.

I pray that this final year cements us as a family and allows for the final forming of both roots and wings.

God bless your journey my boy, both this year and after. I love you and am proud of who you are becoming.

This Year's Creche

Every year, I write a post about the creche Jordan puts together for our home. Since he was four years old, Jordan has set up the manger scene for us. We've had some interesting ones.

Jordan's Strange Creche
A Broken World ... Seeking Peace
Jordan's Creche for this Year 
Creche 2014 Edition
Jordan's Creche: 2015 Edition 

This year has another unusual narrative.

Mary and Joseph are in a small camp on one side of the room. They have lost the baby Jesus and are discussing how best to look for him.

Meanwhile, the manger is on the roof of the stable on the other side of the other side of the room. The donkey and the angels know where Jesus will be Christmas morning and are set to look after him, until his parents find him.









My son is definitely imaginative. This isn't the biblical Christmas narrative.


Then again, maybe what we should be doing this season is looking for the baby. Looking for Jesus.

A Very Merry Christmas 

to You and Yours!!

Song for Sunday: If We're Honest

I danced to this with my young cousin in church today. We choreographed it ourselves, and danced it as a worship offering --"special music."

It's today's Song for Sunday, because these lyrics caught my attention.

Bring your brokenness and I'll bring mine
'Cause love can heal what hurt divides
and mercy's waiting on the other side,
If we're honest.....if we're honest. 

They seem apropos to a few situations I'm involved in just now.


Shall we pray for each other?



What song has held a message for you recently?

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Been a while. Glad to be back to blogging!

Song for Sunday: A Penguin Drinking Tea

Today we have a silly children's song, the kind that helps get the wigglies out of small, active kids.

So how did it become a Song for Sunday? It played a prominent part in our tour of the Lower Ninth Ward. We had been to Gavez' Goodies and seen the barber shop, grocery store, future laundromat, and future internet cafe. We'd been to the memorial with it's poles, model house, and engraved stone. Then we went down to the area where the Make It Right Foundation, Brad Pitt's organization, had built homes. Awesome homes with eco-friendly systems and the ability to float if the waters rise.

It was there that we met Jo'an, a boy of about 8 who showed us how well he could ride his bike and how fast he could run. He just happened to be out when we walked by and decided to be friendly. So down by the levee, in front of the spot where the barge went through, we decided to entertain him for a few minutes. One of our group lead us in this song, with Jo'an joining in. It was fun.


Here's how it goes:

Leader:  Penguins Attention! (all stand to attention)
Leader: Penguins Begin! Right arm (all move right arm out and back, slapping thigh lightly)

All: Did you ever see a penguin drinking tea?
Take a look at me, a penguin you will see.


Leader:  Penguins Attention! (all stand to attention)
Leader: Penguins Begin! Right arm, left arm (all move both arm out and back, slapping thigh lightly)

All: Did you ever see a penguin drinking tea?
Take a look at me, a penguin you will see.


Repeat, adding right foot, left foot, turn around and nod your head.


We didn't get video of our group singing this, but here's a link to a video of the Girl Choir of South Florida doing it.

 

 What children's action songs do you like?

{Belated} Song for Sunday:Chitty Chitty Bang Bang

On this trip to England we are visiting many educational places like Avebury, Hadrian's Wall, and the Tower of London. Then there are the cathedrals, castles, museums and literary sites like Shakespeare's birthplace.

On Saturday, however, we took a few hours to explore the filming locations for a favorite children's movie, Chitty Chitty Bang Bang. We saw the windmill house, the village the family drove through in the car, and the duck pond Truly Scrumptious drove into repeatedly.  A few photos for you:

For more fun, and better views,  check out this link:

Chitty Chitty Bang Bang Film Locations Then and Now by Vince Cox



If you grew up with Ian Fleming's Chitty Chitty Bang Bang enjoy this trip down memory lane. Otherwise, follow this link for an introduction to a fun movie,

What songs bring back childhood movie nostalgia for you?

Shortly after we get back we'll be headed to Ocean Park, Me for CYC. I highly recommend this two-week discipleship conference for all high school teens. Check it out here: Christian Youth Conference at Ocean Park.

Fighting Summer Learning Loss

Summer learning loss is real. Teachers spend much of the first two months of school reviewing what kids have learned before, especially for low income kids (see article linked below.)

There are many ways to fight summer learning loss: read as a family, cook together, play board games that involve reading and math, visit the library, go to a museum.

Another way is to go to camp. There are, certainly, camps (and summer schools) specifically designed to maintain or forward academic skills. They are not the only good options in this respect, however. Camps that allow kids to explore natute, learn new sports skills, program computers, or make crafts can also be very helpful. According to the article Bunks are Good for Brains camps offer a wide variety of experience that help brains develop well.

At CYC, we have an academic program. It doesn't focus on school subjects, but offers Bible study, spiritual formation, leadership, missions, and self-exploration. These are not intense classes with homework, but they do require students to engage with new topics, to discuss ideas, to express opinions, and to learn skills. All of these help students to keep their minds active, and should help prevent summer learning loss. Other camps can do the same. It's another reason I encourage camp. Do check to make sure the camp you choose is right for your child and safe, but send them. It is a lifechanging experience.

For More Information:

Bunks are Good for Brains

More than a Hunch: Kids Lose Learning Skills Over the Summer Months


Other thoughts on camp:

Why Go to Camp?
Want Your Kids to Astound You?
Making Disciples


CYC (Christian Youth Conference at Ocean Park) is a two week leadership development program for high school students. It meets August 2-15, 2015 on the beautiful southern coast of Maine and is open to all teens ages 14 and up who have completed at least eighth grade.

The Mommy Wars: A Design of the Devil

I think the "mommy wars" are a design of the devil.

Really why are we bothered about how other people gave birth? Or whether another mom's baby was breastfed or bottle-fed? Moms who earn a paycheck vs. moms who stay home. Moms seem to spend a lot of time comparing themselves to other moms and feeling guilty and inadequate or perhaps self-righteous. I really do think this is the work of Satan.

Yes, I believe in an actual devil who operates in the world. causing discord and keeping us from God. For those who don't believe in a personal devil, perhaps we can agree that the mommy wars are an evil.

What better way to bring discord and pain than to separate women who should be supporting each others' journeys than to get them fighting over minor differences. What matters, is that every child is loved and cared for.

If we see a child who is truly neglected or abused, we intervene on their behalf. Otherwise, being with other moms is a wonderful opportunity to give and receive encouragement. We can let each other know we are not alone. We all feel inadequate. We all feel guilty at times. We all struggle with juggling schedules, providing good meals, and teaching good social skills. We all need a break sometimes.

 So, let's quit worrying about whose doing "better" than who. Let's listen to each other, enjoy each other, be on the same team. Let's raise the next generation together.

I think that'll give the devil a kick in the shins.

James 4: What causes fights and quarrels among you? Don’t they come from your desires that battle within you? ² You desire but do not have, so you kill. You covet but you cannot get what you want, so you quarrel and fight....Resist the devil, and he will flee from you. ⁸ Come near to God and he will come near to you.


This post was inspired by a cousin's Facebook status and The Rift Between Moms by Lisa-Jo Baker in Thriving Family Magazine. It is my 28th post for the April 2015 Ultimate Blog Challenge.

What Jordan Thinks of His Mom, Take 4

 

My son is an amazing kid really. He's bright and funny and imaginative.

So what does he think of me. 

Jordan and I have gone through this list of questions three times before.  I am interested to see how his answers have changed, both for curiosity's sake and as a checkup on my parenting.

Here goes:

Jordan, age 15 years, 4 months and 15 days says....

 

1. What is something mom always says to you? Don't you have schoolwork to be doing?

 

2. What makes mom happy? Jordan doing schoolwork

 

3. What makes mom sad? Telemarketers

4. How does your mom make you laugh? By being Mom

 

5. What did your mom like to do as a child?Play Sonic the Hedgehog Video Games

6. How old is your mom? 51

7. How tall is your mom? 5' 2.6"

8. What is her favorite thing to do? Ask me if I am doing schoolwork

 

9. What does your mom do when you're not around? Think of ways to get me to do my schoolwork. (Also known as: "How should I know?")

10. If your mom becomes famous, what will it be for? Making people do schoolwork.

11. What is your mom really good at? Asking me if I am doing my schoolwork.

12. What is your mom not very good at? Some kinds of geeky trivia

13. What does your mom do for her job? Teach me

14. What is your mom's favorite food? Chocolate

15. What makes you proud of your mom? Um...

16. If your mom were a cartoon character, who would she be? The Teacher

17. What do you and your mom do together? Schoolwork

18. How are you and your mom the same? We're both geeks.

19. How are you and your mom different? She prefers geeky books to geeky movies.

20. Where is your mom's favorite place to go? Whole Foods

21.How do you know your mom loves you?  'Cause she says so.

Click here for answers from two years ago and here from four and six years ago. 

Parenting is a journey with fits and starts, happiness and tears. times of moving forward, times of falling back. 

How is yours going?

This is my 17th post for the April 2015 Ultimate Blog Challenge.

This year Jordan will be a first year camper at the Christian Youth Conference at Ocean Park.  Two weeks of worship, fun and friends at the beach in Maine in August. What's not to love?

Memories of Camp

I wrote and posted this a few years ago. I post it again because I think camp is important. A well-run residential camp helps kids to gain independence, take positive risks and make new friends. 

Did you ever go to summer camp?

Did you work at one?

 Memories made in camps often hold a special place in our hearts.  Camps have changed many lives, helped children grow and provided all kinds of inspiration.

Here is one of my favorite memories of my camp experience. Although I learned a ton about both myself and God at Grotonwood, Oceanwood and, especially, CYC. (I attended CYC the longest --in fact I still go.) and I made many, many friends, too, I am not writing about that. This was just plain fun.

 I was a counselor in training at CYC which was called NEBYC at the time. Some of us staff were hanging out at the gate, as we often did after the campers were in bed a counselor remained in each cabin). After a late night snack, we decided to get "creative" with our time. We drove all our cars on to the ballfield and set them up as a used car lot, writing prices on the windows with soap. Then we, um, "borrowed" cars from the sleeping staff and added them to the lot. ( Back then, you could put a car in neutral and safely push it.) When we were done, we noticed some more cars driving in. The faculty had been out for the evening. We formed a human chain across the road to their cabins and made them drive onto the field. As soon as they stopped, we jumped on the windows and wrote prices. They laughed and laughed.  The centerpiece of the lot -- and the car with the highest sales price-- was a VW Van, selling for $9.99. Everyone knew it was John Wilbur's car. He was an older, much adored guy who taught sailing. It was fun...and the next day our sleepy selves got a quite a reaction.

It's kind of a silly memory, sure. But it's a great one to tell when you are reminiscing around a campfire. I am still friends with many of the others involved in that event. Some of us are faculty together, now, and ready to laugh at the antics of the younger folks.

 I would be very interested to read summer camp stories, even ones that seem silly.  What was good about your camp experience? What was your favorite thing about camp? What did you do for fun? What did you learn? Are you still involved with that camp? Please comment and let me know.

Kids, Parents and Religion

"... parents from religious traditions that in general promote greater commitment and encourage discussing faith outside the sanctuary also were more likely to have children who remained active in their faith as young adults."
 

Check out this article.

Parents are top influence in teens 

remaining active in religion as young adults

Seems we parents are important to our kids faith... and that holding them accountable keeps them more interested. I wouldn't be surprised if that held true in other areas, like education and community service. If we do it, they'll do it. If we encourage effort and commitment they'll respond.

Quite a challenge. Quite a responsibility.

May we prove ourselves up to it!

Blessings on your day!



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The Christian Youth Conference at Ocean Park is very willing to help out parents by providing their teens with a two week experience of Christian community. It meets in August, on the beautiful southern coast of Maine. \Check it out... www.cycop.org

Creche: 2014 Edition

It's Advent and I have just passed the fourth anniversary of this blog. I am in something of a re-start mode just now as I had an unplanned hiatus for a few months.

The very first blog post I wrote was about our Advent tradition of Jordan setting up the creche on his own. I have written about the tradition two other times as well.

Jordan's Strange Creche
A Broken World ... Seeking Peace
Jordan's Creche for this Year

 

This year Jordan said he was going for
something bizarre. I told him unusual
 was fine, chaotic was not. This is what he
came up with. Notice you are looking at the
back of the stable.













On either side, animals are grazing or resting.














The full effect is different, but peaceful. I like it. It reminds us that we don't know what that first Christmas really looked like.

 

A blessed advent to you and yours! May the hope of Christ be realized in your home.

What's your favorite holiday tradition?



Photos (and Creche set-up) by J. Parry

Taking Orders ... Impaired Driving

Recently, I obeyed a direct order from my teenage son.

I do not, as a general policy, believe that parents should take orders from their children. It is supposed to be the other way around. So, maybe I should explain.

It was actually the first day of high school in our homeschool. We progressed quite well through academics and I planned on cooking a special meal for the evening. I took a nap to try, unsuccessfully, to rid myself of a headache and then went downstairs. I got my shopping bags and keys. My son asked me what I was doing. I told him I was going grocery shopping for his treat.

He looked at me and said, "Bed. Now." ........and I climbed obediently back up the stairs and into bed.

Later I was a bit chagrined at myself for simply doing as I was I told. Then I thought about it. I believe it was a good thing that I did just that. Why? Here are a few reasons:

That headache was debilitating. My driving would have been impaired. I could have harmed myself or someone else or worse. I did not belong on the road and apparently my judgment was impaired enough that I didn't realize it. So, it's a good thing that someone stopped me from getting behind the wheel, regardless of the fact that the someone was 36 years my junior and in my care besides.

It set an example for Jordan. Someday, for whatever reason, he may be impaired and wanting to drive. If someone tries to stop him, in that moment he just might remember that his mother accepted the fact that she could not drive when she was told not to. Stranger things have happened.

It empowered Jordan. He learned that it works when you tell an impaired person not to drive. If I had disciplined him for speaking up, that might have given him a different message and someday when the driver he is with is drunk, or distracted, or exhausted, he might  keep quiet. We don't want that.

I still maintain that teenagers do not get to order their parents about or set the house rules. But there are moments ...


Your thoughts?

Song for Sunday: Beautiful Day

It's a beautiful day. The weather is nice -- sunny and cool. I got to worship, work with youth, celebrate a graduation with friends.

Today also would have been my Mom's 74th birthday. My friend Paul rode the PanMass challenge in memory of his wife but also my mother, in honor of his sister-in-law, but also my sister. We are grateful for him.

There is someplace I would rather be than here today, but that isn't what's happening.

So I try to enjoy today as it is... full of worship, work, celebration, memory, and longing. And it's a Beautiful Day, so the U2 song of that name became today's Song for Sunday.

What songs are you enjoying today?

He has a Job

My son has a job.


Oh, he's had little jobs before, like cutting a neighbor's bushes, but this is a bit bigger. Hours every week.


It's actually a volunteer job. It involves two things: helping a librarian plan and present a science program for elementary kids and developing activities on a gaming server for the same age group.


His work does involve showing up for planning sessions, preparation times, and lessons. It also involves a lot of self-directed hours. Almost all of the server work has been "on his own."


It's crazy to think he's old enough to have a job. I want him to still be little!! On the other hand, it's great to see him grow into these responsibilities. He's learning how to manage his time, handle anxiety and deal with slacking coworkers. It has been a fabulous experience for him.


Of course, it also means this is a different kind of summer for us. We have to plan our family time around his schedule. (My husband is a school teacher and so sets his own hours --and there are plenty of them-- in the summer. I am a stay at home Mom) But this change is just a harbinger of the greater changes to come as he moves toward adulthood. I guess small steps like this are good as they make big changes later less overwhelming.




Anyway, he has a job.


What changes are going on with your children and family?

Song for Sunday: Father I Adore You

I learned this at camp years ago. Maybe we sang it in Sunday School, too. Often, we signed it as well. The repetition made it easy to learn the signs.

A simple song, for worship. A lovely round.

It was written in 1972 by Terrye Coelho Strom and has become a standard.

So here it is for Fathers' Day Song for Sunday.

This song is, of course, about my heavenly Father.  I would like to also say about my earthly father. He was a hard working man, a retail manager, who was always generous and very funny. He supported my childhood and young adult endeavors in dozens of ways. 

In 1995, my father died of Lou Gherig's Disease or ALS a horrible, progressive motorneuron disease. He maintained a postitive attitude and his sense of humor throughout the course of his illness and even on his deathbed. 

I will always remember him. 

Love you Dad. 

Song for Sunday: Puff the Magic Dragon

Jordan was in a musc and arts fair recently. He played a violin piece, accompanied by Dad. He did great!!

He was also in the Finale, in which the kids sang and dramatized Puff the Magic Dragon. Unfortunately, I missed that.

I loved Puff as a kid. I enjoy it now to, although there is more of a bittersweet quality to it. It reminds me of how quickly my boy is growing up.....high school next year. Yikes!


Anyway for your listening pleasure, a frolick in the Autumn mist with Peter, Paul & Mary.

What songs bring back childhood memories for you?

Song for Sunday: Lullabye -Goodnight My Angel

 Today I get to go to a first birthday party for a beautiful baby boy. What a blessing!! Babies are a real gift from God -- and so are birthdays! Family of this baby and I enjoy Billy Joel, so today's Song for Sunday is Goodnight My Angel, a very sweet lullabye.


Goodnight, my angel
Time to close your eyes
And save these questions for another day
I think I know what you've been asking me
I think you know what I've been trying to say
I promised I would never leave you
And you should always know
Wherever you may go
No matter where you are
I never will be far away

Goodnight, my angel
Now it's time to sleep
And still so many things I want to say
Remember all the songs you sang for me
When we went sailing on an emerald bay
And like a boat out on the ocean
I'm rocking you to sleep
The water's dark and deep
Inside this ancient heart
You'll always be a part of me

Lu-lu-lu-lu-lu-lu
lu-lu-lu-lu-lu-lu-lu-lu-lu

Goodnight, my angel
Now it's time to dream
And dream how wonderful your life will be
Someday your child may cry
And if you sing this lullabye
Then in your heart
There will always be a part of me

Someday we'll all be gone
But lullabyes go on and on...
They never die
That's how you
And I
Will be

What is your favorite lullabye?

School Violence

Please read the whole post. It could be easy to take the beginning out of context.


I was listening to the news on the radio when I heard the teaser:

"Despite efforts, violence continues unabated in schools."

My first thought was that a riot had broken out in a high school somewhere and the authorities were having trouble quelling it. But, no, it was a story about school shootings and a study that showed that there are just as many now as in the '90s.

Don't get me wrong. One school shooting is one too many. All of them are tragedies.

But this headline struck me as irresponsible. It made it sound as though shootings and major crimes were happening constantly in the nation's schools.

Part of the story was that there have been 11 school shootings this school year. The school year starts in August in much of the country so that's in a period of six months.

According to the National Center for Educational Statistics there were 132,183 elementary, middle and high schools in the US in the 2009-2010 school year. That includes both public and private schools. If 11 is an accurate number of school shootings this school year, that means that  0.0083217963% of our nations schools have experienced a shooting in the past six months. Less than 100th of 1%.


Again, statistics don't tell the whole story. It is not a comfort to a parent mourning the loss of their child that this is such a rarity. However, it should be a reassurance to parents who choose to send their children to school.


Remember, nowhere is perfectly safe... not our homes, our cars, the sidewalk, movie theaters, malls, worship spaces or schools. It's not just violence that is of concern, we also have fires, carbon monoxide, accidents and other things to worry about. We have to live our lives. Perfect security will hinder teaching, learning and living.

It may be true that 90% of schools have "violent incidents" each year although in most cases calling them that is an exaggeration of sorts. It includes schools that have school yard fights, tussles in the hallway, a student tripping another in class. These things aren't OK, but they hardly warrant a media storm. Sure we need to teach children to do better. They are children and they still have to learn. I witnessed school fights as a child, even participated in a couple. There were consequences, discipline. There still is for such things. Plus, what percentage of families with two or more children has had incidences of biting, punching, kicking, hair pulling? I wouldn't be surprised if it was all of them. Very few children come with a perfect temperament and manners in place at birth.


Schools have also been taking the problem of bullying more seriously in the past few years. Peer training, legal initiatives, firmer consequences and curriculum for all students are hopefully leading to reductions in that behavior.


I did an internet search on school shootings. The first article I found made disturbing claims. Said that 40% of schools have a problem with severe crime. Even said that our schools are terrorist breeding grounds because of the level of violence. Couldn't back those statements up, though. (If you want to check it out here's the link)




I found several other stories about school shootings. One mentioned, in a photo caption, that school shootings are relatively rare. The rest did not say anything about the statistics. Two Wikipedia articles came up. One defined school shooting and gave no examples. The other listed all the school shootings in the US from 1764 on.


We need to mourn for the people who are victims of school shootings and support and pray for those harmed by lesser crimes. We need to recognize that these things can happen in school and take steps to protect our children and teach children to protect themselves.


But we also need to remember that the vast majority of our schools are not awash in violence. We need to keep perspective and remember the hundreds of thousands of caring teachers, administrators and employees who are present to care for the children. I am sure they would appreciate our support and prayers.. and want us to know that, they too, want schools to be safe for our children. And they generally make it so.